You see it more often than you think.

Founders of a start-up are in a business mediation. The equity has been divided, the exit route to break up for good is clear. Everything seems ready. But just before the signature comes: ‘Who actually thought it all up?’ or ‘Who gets the espresso machine?’

I call it the Founders Flare-up: the moment when the rational negotiations are over, but the emotional conflict still flares up once more. Not over money, but over recognition. Identity. Ownership. Face retention. Whether projected onto an object or not.

Remarkably, you then see exactly the dynamic that often caused the rift: the pattern of mutual rivalry, the need to have the last word after all, or to win just that one point.

As a mediator, this is not a disruption of the process, but rather an opportunity. A chance to name that pattern: Do you recognise that this is exactly why you wanted to break up? Do you want to play out this pattern one more time – or really bring closure now?

It takes courage to let the fire go out.Especially if you feel you still have something to prove. But those who recognise what is happening in time can leave with peace and dignity.

Without Flare-up. With a clear conclusion – business and personal.

Recognisable?

Annemarie van Raay