Enjoy the Silence is one of my all-time favourite Depeche Mode songs. Although the idea that “words are very unnecessary and can only do harm” doesn’t quite fit my rather wordy personality, over the years and especially in my work as a mediator I’ve learned that in my work I’ve learned that sometimes the most effective thing I can say… is nothing at all.
In many situations and certainly in business contexts, many people find silence awkward. In meetings, negotiations, or difficult conversations between partners or team members, we often read silence as tension, disapproval, or a loss of control. Our instinct is to fill the gap, to keep things moving. That instinct shows up strongly in mediation too — not only in the parties, but also in the person guiding the conversation.
There is often an urge to rescue the dialogue with another question, a reframing, or a reassurance. Time is precious and conversations are supposed to be productive. This helps explain why silence is underestimated and underused. But if we always hurry to break it, we risk losing what silence uniquely offers.
Silence creates space. Space for thoughts to surface. Space for doubts or emotions to be acknowledged. It is also a moment to observe: what happens in the room when the conversation stops for a moment? What does body language reveal? Who speaks first, and how? Do they go deeper, or do they try to steer the conversation back to safer ground? Every silence is potentially full of information. By resisting the urge to break the silence, people are given the chance to bring more of themselves into the conversation.
Of the many possible interventions a mediator can use in difficult conversations, I have come to see silence as one of the most valuable.
But its value is not limited to that setting. Next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation — with a business partner, in your team, or in a negotiation — and silence falls, you may notice the instinct to break it. If you don’t, at least not right away, you may be surprised by what emerges
Morly Frishman
Image from the videoclip by Anton Corbijn
